Hi! It is time that I come clean about a secret I’ve been holding on to.
First, if you are from Facebook, surprise! I’m trying to blog now!
But that isn’t the secret.
I should start by saying, my college experience up to this point has been a long, blessed journey. However, those are stories that are best saved for another day since I have many and how I got to this point is long and not what I’m talking about currently.
I graduated from community college in May of 2018 (now that I look at that, I’m amazed that it’s been nearly a year now. Whoa.) I spent more time than most there because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do or what path I wanted to take. I’m slightly embarressed about how long it took but I’m far more proud of everything I learned and who I became as a product of those decisions. I finally settled on cosmetology as my chosen career path because it was something I was always interested in and partly because my inner self was screaming about how it was time to settle on something and move along. Everyone would continuously ask me if I would be transfering after I graduated. I would laugh and say no. That I was going to go back someday but not for a very long time.
I graduated with honors and was even the student speaker at my graduation (something I NEVER dreamed I would ever say). I had my degree(s) and a job in my chosen field that I’d had since December 2017. Everything was great and happily ever after, right? For a time, yes. But something felt like it was missing or like I was playing that toddler’s game where you put the right shapes in the their designated slots but I just couldn’t make the pieces fit.
In July, I was starting to re-enter into feelings I thought I’d put long behind me. I started to panic thinking, “Oh God. What if I made the wrong choice? What am I going to do now?” I thought about maybe I really should go back and get my bachelors degree. Then the thoughts of:
1. What would everyone think if I went back to school now? I already spent more time than was needed at school. I’m going to be such a failure if I go back now.
2. How am I going to make that even work with my schedule???
3. I didn’t know the first thing about applying for transfer to a four year university.
4. And most importantly, how the hell was I going to pay for it?! Community college tuition prices + very generous scholarships + the help of a parent made it to where I came out with zero debt. Not having to take out loans and be in debt is very freeing and something a) I know nothing about and b) something that I definitely don’t want.
So, I decided it was a nice thought but not for me now. I’ll do it later.
Flash forward to August, I guess the universe had other plans for me. I no longer had the job I graduated with which would free up my schedule if I wanted to go back and with a new job that would allow me to start putting money back for me to begin to cover loan repayments. But I still wasn’t ready to commit. I thought this might have been the sign I was looking for but I still wasn’t convinced. The longer time went by, the more sure I became that maybe I should go back.
So in October, I decided it was time. I had more solid answers for two of my biggest concerns and decided to hell with the negative thoughts I’d put in my head about going back to school. I applied to Southern Illinois University (SIU) and filled out a FASFA application. Both of which were far easier to do than I had originally worried about. And you know what?
I was accepted and in LESS THAN TWENTY FOUR HOURS was offered a $4,000 a year trasfer scholarship for the next two years. That was the sign I needed that this was what I needed to do. This was the right step and the right choice for me. So I dove in. I accepted the scholarship and did more research about what I needed to do next and how I was going to pay for school (which was my biggest concern). By accident, when I was working on background for a blog post about how failure is a good thing (months before I dreamed of actually going back to school)(I still really love this idea and hope to write this someday soon), I spoke with a girl who had gone through the first semester of what would become my chosen major. She told me about her experience and what she wished she could have done differently. I knew I would be in her shoes once classes began so armed with that knowledge, I set out to teach myself what I needed to know and give myself as much of a headstart as I possibly could.
I filled out scholarship application after application. I have a notebook sitting on my dresser filled to the brim with notes and spreadsheets for scholarships and their due dates. If I was going to go all in then I was going to go ALL IN. I began taking money out of every paycheck I received and putting it in a special fund just for school so I could begin having some repayment money ready when the time came.
In February, the deadline for two of the most important scholarships came. My goal was to have that application done before I went to Florida for vaction. That didn’t happen and all I had brought with me was an ipad. I decided that I wouldn’t get that anyway. I knew people who had won those and I just wasn’t enough for that. I hadn’t even known where to begin writing the essay for it. I’d made extensive notes about what I WANTED to say but couldn’t find the right way to say it. But something inside just wouldn’t let me go to sleep that night without giving it a shot, the worst they could do was say no. So armed with my ipad, my notebook, and sitting outside with the ocean across the street as my background noise, I wrote my essay. I wasn’t happy with it. I felt like I could do better and I knew I was just wasting their time. I sent it anyway. Looking back, I was way to hard on myself about that essay. It was honest and open about what I wanted to do and my futute goals which is all I could ever ask from myself.
While on that trip in Florida, I received my financial aid award. Since I am 24 and now considered independent, it helped a lot. I was halfway there. I was releived that I wouldn’t have to take out as much as I initially feared but I held out on accepting the loan offers until I could do more research and make a clear decision.
I met with my advisor (who was so helpful and filled in the gaps about my schedule that I hadn’t figured out on my own) and she prepared me for what I needed to do when the time for registration came. Around this time, I recieved an email announcing that I was named a finalist for those two big scholarships I had applied for and I needed to come in for an interview. The same scholarships I had feared I had blown with my essay. I was so excited.
The day of my interview came. Armed with all I had done to prepare and a killer outfit choice (thank you friends who took my outfit poll), I made way there. In the past, I would have been so nervous, I’d have thrown up. I surprised myself by being calm. I’d made it that far and by golly that was enough for me. I went into my interview and answered their questions as best I could. When I got to my car, I realized there were a million, better answers I could have said. But again, I was proud of all I had done so far. As my band director from high school would say, “Did you leave it all out there on the field?” Yes, yes I did.
I registered for my classes last week and on Thursday I received an email saying I had been awared the Phi Theta Kappa scholarship worth $3,000. I was elated because that meant I would only have to cover a small amount of my tuition for the year and most of that money I already had put away.
That brings us to today. Today I received a letter. A letter that said, out of 130+ semi finalists, I was a finalist. And out of 70+ finalists, I had been awarded the Transfer Achievement Scholarship. Because of how well my interview went, my $4,000 a year scholarship is being bumped up to $8,000 a year for the next two years. Which means that I OFFICALLY don’t have to take out a loan for my first year, that I am debt free for at least a year and well ahead of where I thought I’d be for next year.
Now, if you are here from Facebook, you might be thinking, “But Tori. Why didn’t you tell us any of this? You share EVERYTHING.” This is a good point and I don’t really know why I kept it a secret. Which is amazing that I’ve kept all this in since OCTOBER! I’ve been bursting at the seams to blab about it. I told family member and a handful of friends. It became harder to keep the secret after the interview though because others I know were also there.
So that’s my big secret! I’ll be attending SIU in August to pursue a major in Fashion Design and Merchandising! It is finally happening.
“Set some goals, stay quiet about them, and smash the shit out of them.” -a graphic I saw on Pinterest.
With a feeling of accomplishment, a sure sense of the future, and a twinge of anxiety,
Tori
Glamour Babe 